Good things about breaking up

With all the hours you spend rustling under your sheets, you can instead do more productive things at 3 in the morning

Dieting is a lot easier now that you don't have an appetite.

You have cut down one more name you do not want to name your child or pet

You can finally reconnect with your pet.

You get to experience what its like to be a depressed, tormented artist… just without the motivation or talent.

You get to develop and experience a deep, warm connection to the guy who works at Starbucks who says "have a nice day!" and smiles.

You now have a wealth of information about someone you have no idea what to do with...so why not write a poem that cryptically references all their quirks?

Boggle is easier to win when you play by yourself

You find yourself answering 'how are you?' with great honesty and detail 

Spring cleaning is now every day since half of your stuff is in the “memorabilia” category

You can learn how to delete phone numbers from your cell phone

You can use that money you were going to spend on your special somebody's christmas present for something for yourself.

You can become really good at solitaire.

Watching your friends children have temper tantrums no longer has the same ominous implications and returns to just being plain funny.

Welcome me into your world

This is going to be the first thing I post here, and I'd like it to be memorable.
But fuck that, this is a blogspot- I'm going to be as  rude and incoherent as possible while still fueling my insatiable narcissism. BECAUSE MY THERAPIST SAYS IT IS GOOD FOR ME. And also I need to be more open in my friendships.

 80 dollars an hour for "talk better"

Really, I'm not sure what my plan is here. What sort of niche that I want to fulfill. So here's the plan future me- experiment. This is going to be an experiment in blogness, and I have a few ideas that will be hopefully entertaining. From lists of things I hate to humerous observations (airplane peanuts, amirite?) to perhaps even a brief dabble in fiction writing. Hopefully nothing too serious. Or maybe all serious all the time? Because when it comes down to it this is MY BLOG AND NO ONE IS GONNA READ IT ANYWAYS SO YOU ALL CAN GO TO HELL FOR ALL I CARE KA-BLAW.

There. You just got blogged, son.